I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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