Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
