You're completely useless in the revolution.
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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