i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
