hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
