We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
