I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
