i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
