i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
