I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
