Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
