so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
