So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
