never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
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