How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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