You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
