Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
