dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
