Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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