WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
