This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
