I bet he comes in French.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
