Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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