I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
