i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
