just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
