Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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