her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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