you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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