Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
