got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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