U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
In other news, I just burned my penis
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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