Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
