Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
