I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
