I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
