The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
