very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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