I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
