There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
