your thong is hanging out like whoa
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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