wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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