yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
