so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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