these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
