Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
