8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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