my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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