moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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