Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Randomize
