I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
